i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
