I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone signed my nipple.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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