I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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