Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I will pee on everything he values.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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