Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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