he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
