Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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