You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
