the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
