i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
