My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
