i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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