hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
