i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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