We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
