I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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