So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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