Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
