I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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