I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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