I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
