Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
