watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
