The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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