End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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