Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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