Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
