During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
