Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're like the curious george of whores
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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