I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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