Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i have two assholes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
