What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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