He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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