can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
