why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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