And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
