Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
