Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
