How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
