Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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