if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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