Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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