i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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