I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the day after is always just damage control
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
