yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She bit a glass in half.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize