oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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