I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
