Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
