sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
