Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
