Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
