Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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