She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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