I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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