Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
