I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
