I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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