We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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