I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
