Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize