Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
