Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
