shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
