I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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