she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
