if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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