I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
