Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize