Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
