She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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