Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
