The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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