We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
