I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
