Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
