I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
