She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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