Dual....:-)
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
