Are we in a gay sports bar?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
