Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
