I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
