Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
