Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
