Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize