Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
