Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
