I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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