nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
