she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
