pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
