I'm going to jail i love you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
