Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Never let your siblings swipe right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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