it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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