kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
