Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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