the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
