guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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