You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
