Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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